With the first overall selection in the 2015 Walrus Cup Draft, Stacy Jameson selects…
Matty “The Gimp” Moore
WR – Florida State University
Kiper – Too many variables to pass on this one – Ultimate guy to out kick his coverage – Wife is a tall volleyball player who is crazy hot – Also leads group in women in love with him at Cuyuna Medical Center
1st Pick for NJ
Long Snapper out of West Virginia
The Pride of Iowa
Mike Gohring
SECOND ROUND
3RD OVERALL PICK
SAFETY
ARIZONA STATE UNIVERSITY
Jeremy “Loves the Rusty Trombone” Seykora
2ND ROUND
4TH OVERALL PICK
STACY SELECTS
D-END from Penn State
Casey “Casum” Straub
Update:
Stacy has named his team “Pass Me Another”
3rd Round
5th Overall Pick
Stacy selects
ILB from Auburn
Nathaniel “Nate DAWG” Kumferman
Round 3
6th Overall Pick
NJ selects
Punter from University of Israel
Christopher “Slurpy Kerpy” Kerpan
Bark Like a Dog
Round 4
7th Overall Pick
NJ Selects
Free Safety from the University of Connecticut
David “Italian Stallion” Andreotti
Positives: Played more golf this year than all of us combined
Concerns: Attendance and ever growing beer belly
Round 4
8th Overall Pick
Stacy selects
Running Back from Oklahoma State University
Nick “I’ve got swagger” Heger
Positives: Doesn’t care about golf
Concerns: Doesn’t care about golf
Round 5
9th Overall Pick
TE from Marshall
Matt “Chicken” Currie
Positives: Owns cabin, hot wife, averages 54 holes of golf per week
Negatives: Will not wear shorts – only pants – weather could play a factor
Round 5
10th Overall Selection
Strong Safety from Utah State
Theodore Travis “Bend her, damn near killed her” TJ Bender
Positives: Good at everything, can get any illegal substance in Northern Minnesota delivered in 20 minutes or less
Negatives: Will fight ranger, cart girl or anyone else who gets in his way
Round 5
10th Overall Selection
Strong Safety from Utah State
Theodore Travis “Bend her, damn near killed her” TJ Bender
Positives: Good at everything, can get any illegal substance in Northern Minnesota delivered in 20 minutes or less
Negatives: Will fight ranger, cart girl or anyone else who gets in his way
Round 6
11th Overall Pick
NJ Chooses
Onside Kicker Only from Illinois State
Michael “I married my best friend’s wife and take him to Hazeltine so he won’t get mad at me even though it secretly was my plan the entire time” Lindahl
Positives: Decent at Golf when he is not playing from the woods
Concerns: Closet Alcoholic
Round 6
12th Overall Pick
Stacy selects
3rd String QB from Minnesota-Morris
Phil “The Drill” Driscoll
Positives: Discounted season tickets at all University of Minnesota Men’s Gymnastics meets
Negatives: You never know when the “Lil Buccaneer” wants to come out
A trade has been made….
Stacy has chosen to move up in the draft to avoid the final pick. In exchange for the 13th pick, he has offered the following:
- Autographed 5×7 glossy of him as QB at St. Cloud State
- The true length of what is commonly known here at school as “The Anaconda”
- Case of Zima
- Wash my car for the next 3 years
- A promise I will never have lunch duty while here at Eagan HS
I have accepted the trade offer.
Therefore –
Round 7
13th Overall Pick
Stacy selects
Offensive Tackle from Hamline University
Beau “knows smoke if you got em” Lunz
Positives: Doesn’t miss fairways, has G and T supplies on him at all times
Concerns: Arrival time each day at course, where will he sleep at night
With the final selection of the draft
Mr. Irrelevant
Round 7
Overall pick #14
NJ selects
Because he had to
And no one else was left
Including just playing one player short
Back-up field goal kicker from Crown College in St. Bonafacious
Peter Borchers
Positives: Let you know when I find them
Concerns: No problem with friends dating his sister